Take you Home for Christmas
by Lasaraleena
Summary: **ON HOLD until the Highland Way is finished** Dear Santa, What I want this year, more than anything, is for my family to stop bugging me about my lack of boyfriend. So I unfortunately took matters into my own hands and now ... now I have a fake boyfriend. Santa... Help.
1. Dear Santa

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter, its characters, its world, or anything else recognizable by JK Rowling in this story. I also don't own Santa Clause, though I do ask him nicely for things every Christmas :)

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**AN: So this is the story that's been running through my mind while I was supposed to be writing The Highland Way. For those of you waiting for an update on that story, I'm working on it. Hope this can tide you over ...**

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**Chapter 1 - Dear Santa**

This was insane.

Pathetic.

_So_ pathetic.

"Three hundred fifty pounds and thirty-five pence."

Rose blinked at the vapid eyes of the blonde behind the glass counter.

_Three hundred and fifty quid and thirty-five pence? Seriously? Let's see, that makes ... 70 Galleons, 1 Sickle and 5 Knuts. _

_Merlin!_

"Really? It's that much?" Rose whispered, shifting uncomfortably.

The blonde blew and popped the massive piece of gum she'd been chewing like a cow before she blearily pointed at the sign posted on the glass separating them.

There it was in black and white.

**35 pence per character per day.**

**10 percent discount for over 30 days.**

**1 Picture = 100 pounds per print**

Rose stuck her tongue against the inside of her cheek as she considered the expense. If she had gone to the Daily Prophet, this would have cost her nothing. In fact, _they_ would have paid _her_ to do it.

Her family's notoriety was still going strong more than thirty years since the second Wizarding War.

But that was exactly why she hadn't wanted to go to the Daily Prophet. She didn't want anyone who knew her. She didn't want them to have anything to do with the Wizarding World at all. Not to mention, she didn't want her family to even guess at what she was up to.

Hence her being in muggle London. And paying through the teeth for a measly 91 characters in the muggle paper 'The London Times'.

"Look sweetie, you look like a nice girl, but we got a long line up behind you. Now are you going to pay me, or should I send your 'friend's' lovely paper through the shredder?" The blond didn't look so vapid anymore, or bored. She looked impatiently into Rose's eyes as she held out her hand expectantly.

Rose looked behind her at the completely empty lobby and then back to the blonde behind the counter.

The girl smirked and then grabbed the paper between them and held it out menacingly over the shredding machine next to her.

_Last chance Rosie. What are you gonna do?_

Last chance to ignore this insanity, go home and pretend it never happened. There'd be no evidence. None.

_And face the rest of the Weasely's annoying questions and prods for ANOTHER Christmas?_

The paper fluttered.

"I'll do it!" She yelled as the girl grinned devilishly and snatched up the crisp notes out of Rose's outstretched hands.

_Oh Merlin, I hope I did the right thing, _She thought as she watched the blonde merrily ring through her purchase and hand her back a receipt with a start and end date stamped into it.

"Good luck finding a nice fella Miss Roselyn Wellingby."

"Oh no, it's not for me, it's for my-"

The girl slammed the metal barrier down over the window before she could utter another word.

"-friend." She muttered uselessly.

Rose took her receipt, looked at the dates Dec 11, 2030 and below that Dec 21, 2030, and walked out of the small office.

Well, it was all up to Santa now.

* * *

"Mmm"

"Oh Albus ..."

"Oooooooo. Eeeeeeee... ummmmmm. Wwwwooooooo... Don't ever stop Albie."

"Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm -"

"What's this?" Albus abruptly stopped trailing his fingers down Melanie-Lynn's back and snatched up the piece of paper that had caught his eye. He swiped a hand across his mouth to erase any left over slobber and ignored the indignant squawks the blonde of the hour was making behind his back.

He couldn't believe what he was reading.

_Seriously Rose? You've come this low? _

"Melanie love when is this going to be printed?" He turned in time to see her huff and cross her arms across her ample bosom. She wasn't going to tell him.

"Oh come on sweetums, I didn't mean to leave you unsatisfied." Albus put his charm to good use, rubbing the girl's arms and picking up her hand to bring it in for a loud smooch. It echoed back off of the metal partition that was all that was separating the two of them from the London Times' office lobby and any customers that may be lurking there waiting for the only teller to come back from 'break'. "I'll make it up to you I promise, just tell me when this'll be printed."

Melanie-Lynn made a little moue with her extra plumped up lips. "Why do you wanna know Albie? Are you going to email her?"

"No no no, nothing like that. You know I'm only interested in you love. I just think this is someone I know, based on the email address." He pulled her wide hips closer to him and started nibbling on her ear lobe. "Come on love." He breathed as seductively as possible. "When will it print?"

"Oh Albie. It prints on Wednesday. December 11th. Until the 21st." Melanie-Lynn sighed and closed her eyes as her recent acquaintance Albus Pettigrew continued to massage her hips and flick her ears with his wicked tongue. She didn't see him discreetly whip out a long wooden rod and the sparks it emitted as he pointed it at the paper in his hands. She didn't notice him pocket a copy of that paper as he dipped her over his arm and finally pressed his lips to hers, something she'd been after since she met him last night at the local bar.

And she definitely didn't notice two hours later that when she typed in the 91 characters Roselyn Wellingby had given her for printing in the morning paper that the email now read rw2007, rather than rw2006.

What she did notice, was that she never saw Albus Pettigrew again.

* * *

_I hate bets. I hate bets. I FUCKING. HATE. BETS!_

"How do you win EVERY damn time Albus?" Scorpius ran both hands through his thick blonde locks and then massaged the back of his neck as he mentally calculated how many bets he'd lost against Albus.

_... Ten, eleven, twelve ... this would be unlucky number thirteen._

"I dunno how you keep losing my friend, but I'm definitely not complaining." Al smirked as he poured them both a healthy dose of Ogden's finest Mead. "I do so heartily enjoy watching you squirm through fulfilling your forfeits after all."

Scorpius warily eyed the full glass Al handed him. A full glass of strong drink usually meant that he would _really_ hate the consequence he'd be assigned from losing the latest bet.

Why'd he agree to this anyways?

_I mean who cares how many times Marshal Creevy stammered out 'Yes Sir, Mrs. Weasley Sir' to his boss Audrey Weasley and got smacked in the back of the head for it by Al's uncle Percy. _

It was a stupid bet and he'd been stupid to take it.

"Alright, what's your particularly sick wish for my latest failure?" Scorpius resigned himself to it. Last time he had to scrub out Al's bathtub wearing a pink foam bodysuit and his hands tied behind his back. Needless to say, his arse had felt raw for the next three days. And he was sure Al was keeping the pictures as future blackmail material.

"Oh don't worry my friend. This is going to be so easy, you're going to think I'm going soft." Albus grinned from ear to ear as he reached into the top drawer of the desk in his study.

Scorpius groaned as visions of those pictures being magnified and him having to carry them down Diagon Alley flashed through his head. He closed his eyes tight.

"Open your eyes Scorpius and read the top left corner." Albus ordered as he threw something papery into Scorp's lap.

He cracked open one eye to see the London Times, the muggle newspaper, opened to a page near the back sitting in his lap.

Scorpius sat up straight and opened both eyes. "What is this?"

"The personals." Albus said simply as he sipped his glass and sprawled out on the couch across from him.

_Oh Merlin help me._

He skimmed through the top left corner. Then he read it again.

_What is this gibberish?_

**SWF 24yo ISO SWM 24yo+, GSOH, date 4 family **

**xmas party. RSVP b4 xmas. Email rw2006 _at_ wnet . com **

Scorpius slowly raised his head to stare at his questionable best mate. "I don't understand."

Albus put down his glass and steepled his fingers together over his flat belly. "It means, my dear friend, that you, will be replying to a personals ad, and must accompany whoever this young lady turns out to be, to her family's Christmas party, in about ... oh four days or so."

Scorpius stared wide-eyed at Albus Potter and seriously questioned how his friend had ever ended up in Gryffindor. Al was Slytherin, right down to his rotten core.

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**AN: This story won't be sooo long. I think just a few fun chapters :) I can't wait to write out how they react to realizing they know each other.**

**Rose is 24 years old in December 2030, since she's born sometime in 2006.**

**I couldn't find anything about how much newspapers actually charged for characters in the paper, so I pieced some things together and came up with 35 pence. I'm from Canada, so forgive me all of you from the UK if I, a) butchered the way you say money, or b) am completely off when it comes to the cost of ads. She has 91 characters including spaces and punctuation and all that so it'll cost 350.35 to print the ad for 11 days, from the 11th to the 21st of December. Using a Harry Potter converter thing on the internet, that equals 70 Galleons, 1 Sickle and 5 Knuts. Which sounds like a lot to me. But is that too much? Too little? I'm up for comments. I can rewrite this chapter with the correct amount after all. Won't really bother the rest of the story.**

**What the ad means in case you guys don't read code (which I didn't until I looked it up on Wikipedia – and I only found a few standard codes rather than for everything, so whatever):**

**SWF** = Single White Female

**24yo** = 24 years old

**ISO** = In Search Of

**SWM** = Single White Male

**24yo+** = I made this up to mean 24 years old or over (it might be really how they write it but I'll never know that now lol)

**GSOH** = Good Sense of Humor

**The rest is really self explanatory lol.**

**Oh and wnet . com is meant to be Wizarding Network. Yup, I made it up. And I had to write the email address with spaces because as you know, fanfiction . net makes it all go away if you leave it together as a link. Obviously Rose didn't have extra spaces in her email that she would've had to pay for uselessly. Oh, and Albus clearly charmed the one paper he picked up for Scorpius to have the correct email address on it. **

**Let me know what you think :D**


	2. Deal me in

**Chapter 2 - Deal Me In**

**Saturday Dec 21****st****, 2030**

Rose rolled over in her spacious queen sized bed and stared blearily through the tangled haze of her auburn hair. It took her a minute to realize that what had woken her at this absurd hour was a distinct ping from her computer speakers.

Her eyes rounded, _Oh Merlin, they emailed._

She flew out of the warmth of her bed, and tripped over the sheet that came with her as she dived for her desk.

Righting herself, she quickly clicked her email to life as she flicked off the sheet with her foot.

_Come on, come on. Please be good, please be good, please be good. _Chanting in one's head helped right?

Over the past torturous ten days she'd checked her email zealously every time she heard a ping. Or every five minutes. All the replies so far to her ad however sounded positively ridiculous.

One had asked if she wanted to start on pro-creating their kids before Christmas or after new years as they'd be too busy doing the parental meeting thing in between. Another asked if it was ok if he brought his wife with him to the party. And the third wrote her an email in Klingon. And then ended the email with 'May the Force be with you'. Needless to say she never replied. Someone who couldn't separate their Star Trek from their Star Wars definitely wasn't for her. Even as a one-time-date thing.

This was her last day with her ad running in the paper. If this email wasn't someone relatively sane and unmarried, she'd be doomed to another Christmas as the only single Weasley female and have to endure her cousins' pitying looks as their parents tried to list out possible reasons she was still without a man.

_Please be good, _she thought one last time as she clicked on the top email in her inbox.

**To:** rw2006 _at_ wnet . com

**From:** s . hunter _at_ aanon . com

**Subject:** Personals ad

Hello,

I've seen your ad in the paper this morning and I was wondering, are you still available? Would you like to meet up?

I'm an average bloke with blonde hair and blue eyes. 24 years old. I work as a cop. If interested, email me back,

Scott Hunter

"YES!" Rose's squeal probably travelled throughout her entire apartment but she just didn't care. Finally someone who sounded like a normal chap.

She quickly typed back a reply and then spent the next half an hour tapering it to sound more calm and natural rather than desperately aggressive. She sent it on into the ether, muggles were so smart, and then ran around her room looking for her favorite towel with the whole of the Puddlemere United Quidditch team stamped on it. They were magically made to exclaim and wink at whoever's naked body they were wrapped around. Rose liked to believe they'd look horrified if there was every something on her body that was less than attractive. So far so good.

She needed to hurry. If all went well and Scott agreed to her meeting proposal, she'd be seeing her potential savior from another Christmas from hell in less than 2 hours.

* * *

Ok, she'd gotten dressed in record time after having to shampoo her big mess of a hair three times and then air dry it on gentle with her wand for forty-five minutes. Otherwise it would be a bush. And now she was sitting at Bea's, a local coffee shop she adored, waiting for Mr. Hunter to appear.

So far nothing.

Rose sighed and discreetly checked her watch for the tenth time in as many minutes. He was late. Well, only seven minutes late but still.

Her eyes scanned the coffee shop one more time and still, the only person of interest she'd seen so far was Scorpius Malfoy seated three tables over and slightly behind her. She wasn't sure what Albus' best friend was doing in muggle London, drinking what looked to be a latte and impatiently staring at the door but she could empathize. Waiting for someone to show was just bollocks.

Another ten minutes went by and she was beginning to curse Scott fucking Hunter and seriously debating walking out when her mobile rang.

She fumbled with it trying not to curse as she nearly scalded her hand with her third fresh cup of coffee and answered it as calmly as possible.

_If he's cancelling on me, I'll pretend I was never here. Or I'll have his balls for dinner._

"Hello," She said in as bored a manner as she could muster. Staring at your nails always helped.

"_Roselyn?" _

She stopped looking at her nails. She could've sworn she'd heard her fake name being called out from nearby, not just over the phone. She turned in her chair and scanned the shop one more time, hardly daring to believe she'd missed him as he came in. All she saw was Scorpius with a phone pressed to one ear and his finger in the other to block out noise. No other blonde, blue-eyed males –

_No_, she stared hard at Scorpius' frowning face, _it can't be._

Rose kept her eyes on his hunched over form as she slowly replied, "Yeeess?"

"_Roselyn, it's Scott." _

Her eyes rounded in her head. _Fuck no!_

It WAS him.

She dropped her phone with a clatter. He looked up. Her eyes met his ice blue-grey eyes and she felt as if her world was imploding. His confusion slowly melted into a look of horror to match hers.

"YOU!"

"YOU!"

They were both screaming at the top of their lungs.

"Hooow could it be you?" She bemoaned her terrible luck.

"I'm going to kill him. He set me up! That fucking wanker." Scorpius was storming around his table, coming right up to her but lost in his own tirade.

"How, how, how? I went to a MUGGLE paper." She suddenly found herself caught up in two tight manacles around her arms as he grabbed her.

"Shut up you idiot. We're IN muggle London." He hissed into her face. They both looked around at the attention they were drawing from the other customers. Several of them had their mouths open and blatantly stared at the quarrelling couple.

Rose shifted her hands embarrassedly and felt soft cashmere underneath her fingertips.

She whipped her head back to find her hands resting on SCORPIUS MALFOY'S warm chest and his large hands engulfing her entire arms after hauling her up against him. She tilted her head way back to look up at him towering above her. _Good Godric, he was tall._

He seemed to become aware of their position at the same time and immediately released her.

"Let's get out of here." Scorpius barked out before storming for the door and throwing a wad of muggle pounds down on the table he'd been occupying on his way out. He hardly waited for her to do the same and walk out the door before he grabbed her elbow and started towing her down the street beside him.

"Excuse me Mr. Caveman, but let me the fuck go!" She could tell she'd surprised him by the way he abruptly dropped her elbow and turned to face her. He raised his eyebrows one at a time. It was kind of endearing.

_What the fuck am I thinking? Now is not the time to find Scorpius Malfoy endearing. _

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pull a 'caveman' on you but I was just trying to get us to Diagon Alley so we can speak in private."

She snorted, completely inelegantly. "Diagon Alley? Private? Who do you think I am? Diagon Alley is never private for a Weasley." Rose brushed past him in the other direction, "Have you forgotten my Uncle owns the biggest joke shop in the Wizarding world just down that Alley? He'd hear about us being in the area as soon as we step foot through the brick walls. Uncle George has ears in every crevice of that place. Makes up for having got only one on his head." She turned to look over her shoulder at him. "Are you coming?"

He gave her a chagrined look, practically through his lowered eyebrows. Impressive for someone so much taller than her. But he didn't argue. He followed her. "Where are we going?"

"To a little bistro nearby. I'm hungry."

* * *

"So let me get this straight." Rose put down her avocado and chicken Panini so she wouldn't squeeze it to death in her anger. "ALBUS put you up to this? But how did that little tosser even _know_ I was putting in a personal ad?"

Scorpius chewed his Philly cheese steak sandwich as he mulled over her question. "Well I'm not sure but it could have been from that blonde he met a fortnight ago at the muggle club we went to. I sort of remember her mentioning she worked at the paper. She must have told him about you putting in an ad." Rose watched as he polished off his sandwich without spilling a single drop of mustard or any of the filling. She followed the muscles in his throat with her eyes as they worked to swallow his last bite. _Hot damn_.

"I .. uh ... but I gave her a fake name." She desperately hoped he didn't read too much into how breathy and pathetic her voice sounded.

"Yes, but does he know your email address?"

She snapped out of watching him wipe his full mouth with a napkin to gape gobsmacked.

"Fuck!"

Scorpius smirked.

"Well you can't blame me for not thinking of that, I assumed my family would never pick up a muggle paper." Rose groaned and dropped her face into her hands. The less she looked at Scorpius at the moment, the better anyways.

"So what are you going to do?" She could just tell that he was trying not to laugh. _Glad one of us is enjoying this._

"Do?" She lifted her head. But after a small peek at his laughing eyes she stared resolutely at her half eaten Panini. "There's nothing I can do. It's not like I even got any good replies to that bloody ad before yours anyways. Every one of those replies was completely ridiculous. Serves me right for thinking I could get a date through the paper." Before she had even finished speaking she could hear Scorpius chuckling.

She glared up at him.

"Oh Rose."

_Oh mercy, don't say my name that way._

"Don't you think the reason you got such crap replies is because they were all from a meddling blast-ended-cousin of yours?"

She looked up startled. _Fuck! Of course. _"Damn that Albus Potter to the pits of Voldemort's bubbling black cauldron."

Scorpius raised his eyebrow at her colorful language. "You have some interesting idioms there Ms. Weasley."

"Thank you Mr. Malfoy." Rose was pleased with his praise. Even if it didn't sound much like praise. It was more of an observation really. _Bollocks._

"You're welcome." He leaned forward in his seat and captured all of her attention. "Now, what are we going to do about it?"

"We?" She was twirling her napkin around her finger like a moron. _Stop it, Rose. You've known him all your life. He's always been around. Why are you all of a sudden acting like such a dimwit?_

"Yes Rose. We. I need to get back at Albus for many many things." She liked the gleam in his eye. And if he wanted to help her get back at Albus and his dirty tricks, she wasn't going to stop him.

"Did you have anything in mind?" Rose smiled at him in anticipation.

Scorpius took a short sip of his water before he answered. "I think." He leaned back. "That we." Both arms went behind his head in a stretch. "Should become a couple."

She choked on ... nothing. She choked on NOTHING. But nevertheless she did choke. "A – a couple?"

"Yes." Scorpius was eager now. "We'll show up at the Christmas party together. Tell everyone we're dating. Let Al believe his little meddling scheme actually worked to bring us together. Pretend we're crazy in love. And then just after New Years we'll have a big whopping fight and 'break up'. Then spend the next few months blaming Albus for our 'misery'."

Rose wrinkled her nose. She didn't like the sound of this whole pretend business. Cuz she had a sneaking suspicion that after her reactions to him today this wouldn't be much of a make believe game on her part.

He read her face. "You don't like it?"

She could hear the disappointment in his voice. "No, no, it's not that I don't like it. It's just ... what will our parents think? We're playing this whole game on them too. Just to get back at Al. Won't they also be hurt?"

"Well they don't even have to hear all the details. They don't need to be a witness to our fight. Just Al needs to be there. And after New Years, you go back to your apartment in muggle London anyways and won't have to see them again until Easter. They won't ever be privy to our torture of Albus." He picked up her hands and looked at her earnestly. "Come on Rose. You can tell them we just didn't mesh well together and leave it at that."

Rose was feeling the warmth of his hands and thinking about how good it would feel to have those hands wrapped around her for a whole week during Christmas. He'd be pretending to be her boyfriend. A boyfriend meant no more snide comments about her single life. No more blatant hints about wanting grandkids and clocks ticking. No more sitting around the Christmas tree at the end of the night and being the only one without someone to wrap their arms around her and wish her a Happy Christmas.

She looked up into his ice blue eyes. Pretend to be his girlfriend. That wouldn't be very hard.

"Ok." Scorpius beamed at her.

Now all she had to do was make sure that Albus was the only tortured party at the end of this charade.

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**AN: Taa daa. Next chapter will be the Christmas Eve night. Lots of boyfriendy/girlfriendy things happening. And some Scorpius point of view since I miss it. What do you all think he's thinking eh? **

**Oh and aanon is for Aurors Anonymous. **


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